R2 VLCD Day 20

No change in weight today, but I kinda gave up a little last night though.  I ate some sugar free chocolates that were definitely not on protocol.  I noticed the difference in my attitude though, I wasn’t eating them because I was sad about Diana, or because I’m PMSing (that’s right, TOM is like a week late grrr), or because I was frustrated with gaining .6 lbs yesterday.  I ate them because they just sounded good.  I ate just a few and had no problems controlling myself from eating the whole bag.  I got no comfort from them, but didn’t expect to either so I’m kind of excited to see that I was able to eat something because a little bit sounded good, rather than because I felt driven to eat it by some sick compulsion.

Still no word on Diana today.  Nobody in her family posted anything on Facebook yesterday (no prayer requests or anything, and normally they post a ton of those).  I think the Facebook radio silence is not a good sign.  Because she is/was in so much pain in the last few days, I hope the Lord takes her quickly if He hasn’t already.  I’m not ready for the pain that we will all experience, but I’d rather be the one in pain than have her continue to live that way.  She’s done her time now, and now her turn is over.  I guess the hardest part for me to deal with is thinking of her husband and kids.  I know that God is there to protect them but the kids…the kids at the funeral will absolutely kill me.  I attended a funeral a few years ago for Aaron’s boss’ wife, Debbie,  and I was okay until the family was ushered in.  Just one look at the kids and I lost it.  I had never even met Debbie but I will never forget her funeral for as long as I live.  She had so many amazing people who loved her, the church was huge and it was PACKED.  Diana’s funeral will probably be the same way except this time I will know the person who died.  I warned Aaron that I’m going to carry a whole box of tissues in with me.  Screw the tiny travel pack.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. hiddenbeauty
    Oct 08, 2010 @ 14:24:55

    I think your self control w/ the chocolate is fantastic!

    My heart breaks for you and Diana’s family. =(


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